


When The Rope Falls

by spitfiresinspace



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni
Genre: M/M, and venting through fictional characters is my coping mechanisms yeah, i dont know what this is, mostly angst sorry, so enjoy i guess?, this is pretty bad but i'm tire and stressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitfiresinspace/pseuds/spitfiresinspace
Summary: This is just angst and metaphors idk what to say to you





	When The Rope Falls

It’s weird the way shit just kind of works its way out eventually. Like when you’re dwelling at the bottom of the well that symbolises your life, you think it’s never gonna get any better. And when you take steps to hoist your way out, all that happens is you fall and find yourself even deeper in the well than you were before. But then, when you actually stop reaching for one so desperately, that’s when someone sends down a rope.

After all the squip bullshit, Jeremy actually found himself in a half decent place. At least, he almost seemed to be where he had wanted to be when he swallowed the damned thing. He was friends with all the ‘cool’ kids, was dating the girl of his dreams, and his relationship with his dad was on the mend. And he still had Michael by his side, the player one to his player two, despite all the shit he put him through.

But the rope didn’t seem to drop. Without dark-side Keanu whispering in his ear every five seconds anymore, Jeremy began to once again flounder in social situations, panicking over what to say, where to look, what to do with his hands. Then his romantic relationship with Christine fizzled out into nothing. Seems that when you start dating the girl of your dreams, you start to realize she isn’t quite what you dreamed she would be. How could she be? Yeah, she was great- funny, clever, and she seemed to understand him in a way few ever had. But she wasn’t that girl in his head who he’d been having day-dreamed conversations with for years.

She broke up with him in the end. She smiled, held his hands in hers, and looked at him in her intense way, and told him he was better taking some time to find himself than sticking it with her. She needed to do the same. But she loved him very much. They still meet once every week after school to go to vintage tea-shops and discuss the importance of Shakespeare in modern culture, or the latest Broadway gossip. Although he hates to admit it sometimes, it’s better this way. He feels safer with her now knowing there’s no pressure to ‘be the good boyfriend’. She keeps him steady when things start spinning out of control.

And boy did things spin. Seems having a computer torture you into compliance for months can give you issues. Who would have seen that coming? Jeremy certainly didn’t, till it was the second week of sleepless nights and strange flinching at certain phrases. But nothing quite says Jeremy Heere like suppressing problems. So, he got on, drank a shit ton of coffee, played videogames instead of sleeping. Avoided alcohol or large crowds. On days he was really bad, just feigned a cold. Nobody suspected a thing, and that was how Jeremy liked it.

***

Sitting in Michael’s basement, just starting to come down from a high, Jeremy lives in a brief moment where nothing went wrong, where he just played video games, got stoned with his best friend and didn’t fuck his whole life up. Michael turns and smiles at him, that dumb, full of affection smile that always made Jeremy’s gut twist. For a long time, Michael was the only one who would look at him that way. Now he has plenty of people around him who care about him, but he’s never felt more like he doesn’t deserve one iota of it. Michael turns back to Zelda or whatever the fuck it was he was playing, and Jeremy turns to the ceiling, sprawled out on the floor, head just on the edge of his beanbag in a way that had been uncomfortable for quite some time now, but he didn’t have the energy to move.

“I know you didn’t have a cold last Tuesday bro.”

Michael didn’t turn from the game, and Jeremy didn’t turn from the ceiling. But a tense silence began to permeate the air. Jeremy instantly felt cold hard panic all over. He said nothing.

“You didn’t have one the Saturday before that either. In fact, I would put money on it that you haven’t really been physically ill for months now.”

Michael just kept playing, but Jeremy slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes probably a little too harshly. They began to sting.

“What are you saying Michael?”

Still not turning, Michael shrugged.

“I know that computer chip fucked you up pretty bad. You don’t ever talk about it, but we spend literally all our time together, I don’t have to be a genius to work out there’s something up. You don’t have to talk about it, I know real feelings aren’t always your forte, but I’m like – _here_ \- if you want to.”

He shrugged again, not taking his eyes of the game for a second. Jeremy glances at the ceiling again, then down to his hands, twitching in his lap. Then he looks up at Michael. And he grabs the fucking rope.

“I – um – don’t sleep so good anymore I guess? I get pretty bad dreams a lot and – um yeah…”

Michael stops the game now, placing the controller on the floor in front of him, and turning his whole body to face Jeremy. He smiles a small tentative smile.

“Shit dude same, all that crap with the whole school getting zombified? That was fucking terrifying.”

Jeremy nods, and glances down at his hands again, avoiding Michaels eyes.

“I just thought- once the squip was gone, it would all get better. And in a lot of ways it has! But I just, don’t feel it y’know? I’m tired all the fucking time, and without _it_ in my ear every social interaction feels like a herculean task cause I’ve no clue what I’m doing. I just- need shit to be at least okay for more than five minutes. Or I think my whole brain is gonna give up and explode.”

Jeremy feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Michael’s warm brown eyes, there for him like they always have been. He quickly looks back down, closing his eyes as if that would stop the tears that are starting to run down his face.

“Jeremy, it’s gonna be okay. I might not seem it now, cause it’s all fucked up and you can’t sleep and I get that dude cause holy fuck I’m the same. There are nights where I sit awake, petrified that if I go to sleep I’m going to wake up and all this was a fucking dream, and I’m still in that bathroom without you.  But the fact we can even get out of bed and sit in school and do shit with our lives most days of the week is already a fucking achievement. So, don’t worry about your brain exploding, cause it kind of already did, and you’re still sat in front of me. If you want to take any lesson form this whole fuck up of a situation, it’s that you are stronger than you know dude. Stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Jeremy is moving without thinking, but for once he’s glad. He throws his arms around Michael, burying his face in the soft warm fabric of his hoodie. And he cries, and Michael rubs his back and Jeremy can tell he’s crying too. And a part of his brain is screaming at the gay vibes of the situation, but he beats that part of his brain down and just enjoys feeling truly safe for the first time in months. He mumbles something into Michael’s hoodie.

“What was that?”

Jeremy pulls back and properly looks up at Michael.

“I’m not going anywhere, y’know that right?” Michael chuckles and hugs him again.

“Yeah you better fucking not.”

***

Jeremy falls asleep in the basement, curled up in Michael’s arms, and this time he doesn’t have a bad dream. Though he has one the next night, it’s not so bad when he texts Michael, who is also still awake even though it’s 3am and they have school the next day.

And now; when he gets over anxious, sometimes Michael will grab Jeremy, whether that’s fiddling with the sleeve of his cardigan or holding his hand – just to make sure he’s still there and _real_. Brooke raises her eyebrows when she notices, and elbows Chloe before she can say anything.

And now; sometimes when the socialising gets too much for him, and he feels like he’s gonna pass out, Jeremy rests his head on Michael’s shoulder, and closes his eyes. Rich gets hit this time, from a Jake who’s spoken to Brooke and Christine and understands a brash outburst won’t be in any way helpful.

And as he’s sat in the parking lot outside their school, the sun painting everything with a warm glow, and a group of friends surrounding him, laughing and joking, Jeremy at last feels like something’s clicking into place. Like the rope was long enough that he can haul himself over the edge of the well soon. So, as they begin to disperse, promising to meet up soon, and have an awesome summer, etc. Jeremy takes Michael by the hand, and presses a chaste kiss on his lips. A fear fires through him as he does it, but he ignores it, looking at Michael and praying he hasn’t broken the best thing in his life. Michael looks dazed for a moment, shock on his features. But then he smiles, calls Jeremy a dork, and pulls him into another kiss.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this at midnight and was very tired when I did so so it's probably not my best work, even so I would love to know what you think! Thank you for reading!


End file.
